I originally decided to keep this story to myself. Then, like a dumb*ss, I told my wife. She laughed. Hard.
Then I decided to keep it to myself again. Then, like a bigger dumb*ss, I told my mother. She laughed. Hard. I think she even snorted.
So again, I decided to keep it to myself again. But then my dedication to my readers got the better of me. I think I owe it to you for being such loyal readers not to leave out something like this. (NOTE: If this is the first post of mine you’ve read, then just ignore that last sentence).
So here is what happened.
As you know, I just moved to Maryland and am now living on a farm in Upper Marlboro. You may not know that this is a 50 acre farm that recently harvested a crop of feed corn. Apparently the harvest machines aren’t 100% effective, so there is a lot of corn laying about the fields. There is this roaming flock of birds that has been showing up pretty regularly and giving the field a good chomping.
You might think the birds would clean it out and move on, but they’re always swarming around, landing for a short while, and then boom, they all jump up and fly away. They never have time to eat much so they keep coming back.
Yesterday I heard a raucous chirping sound coming from outside. I went out and it was an even bigger swarm than usual. Thinking of you, my loyal readers, I ran back inside and grabbed my camera and captured this video from the porch.
While I was looking at the birds and the camera I saw a big chunk of them land in the field behind the trees. I had the
brilliant dumb*ss idea that I would run over there and make them all fly away, getting some great video.
Remember that bit about the porch? It is important. Without looking down, I just ran off the porch forgetting there was a 2 foot drop. Mom imagines I looked something like Wile E. Coyote just before he falls into the Grand Canyon.
Fortunately for me, the camera was not recording so I don’t have to show you that too.
While she was laughing, my mom suggested that since I didn’t get video I should stage a reenactment. Get Mrs. CapnRehab to hold the camera and then I run off the porch and fall down while she films it. I’m pretty sure this is when she snorted.
I think she was laughing at me.